Hello, beautiful souls! I hope you are all doing well. Today I want to talk about something I personally have had to work on and still work on every single day — self-confidence. Because believe me, being confident does not come naturally to everyone, and that is completely okay. Let me share with you what has helped me, and I hope it helps you, too.
I believe no one is born with self-confidence; it is a skill that anyone can learn and develop. There are certain areas in our lives where we are convinced we can do very well, and others where we are less confident. In these areas, we may need to learn or seek someone's help because we do not have enough confidence in our abilities.
For example, I am quite confident when I talk about medical topics, but not when I need to speak German to people, not even my close friends.
I also think that self-confidence is believing in ourselves and our ability to accomplish or succeed at any task assigned to us. When we have that mindset, we are willing to take more risks to achieve our personal or professional goals.
It is about trusting your instincts and doing what you can, no matter what. It is an encouraging feeling because when you start believing in yourself and your abilities, you tend to have more success. This success creates a positive feedback loop in our lives, as our confidence leads to even greater confidence.
So, how can we learn to have more of it?
1. Do one thing that scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable
"Developing self-confidence starts with eliminating that demon called fear." — Napoleon Hill
For example, as I mentioned earlier, I still cannot speak German clearly even though I have lived in Germany for three years. This is because, even though I learned and understood almost every word of German, I was incredibly nervous and shy. I think this was due to my lack of confidence in my ability to speak; I was aware of it and tried to protect myself from humiliation.
However, with time, countless failures, and my partner and friends correcting me when I made mistakes, my German has improved significantly. I am no longer as insecure about how I look or sound in front of others. I have learned that the best way to overcome the things that make you nervous or scared is to face them head-on. When you do something every day that makes you uncomfortable, you gain confidence with each experience; each failure is a lesson that builds your confidence.
2. Challenge your inner critic
Yes, I am talking about the inner voice within us that says, "We cannot do this."
Some of the harshest comments we hear come from within ourselves, especially when we are struggling with low self-confidence. There is a saying that the most important way to build self-confidence is to build competence, and that has stayed with me because I have come to understand it means you have to become good at something, and the only way to do that is to put in the time and effort. If you want something good to happen to you, you have to put in the effort, which means you must reject the voices telling you that you are not capable and keep trying. You must be persistent. Even if you make a mistake and things seem extremely difficult, keep going because it is better to try and fail than to try nothing at all.
3. Set realistic goals
You need to ensure that the initial goals you set are not too complicated; they must be achievable. Too many people become discouraged with their abilities because they set goals that are too difficult to achieve. Set small goals that you can easily accomplish. Break them down into small, achievable steps, slowly and steadily. Instead of setting unrealistic goals and saying to yourself, "I am so good, I am going to be a professional artist in two weeks," think about how you can break that idea down into small, achievable steps. Your first thought might be to choose a niche of drawing — perhaps a portrait, a landscape, an abstract, anime, or whatever interests you. The next goal might be to determine what tools are appropriate for your art, or what artistic style you want for your work. You keep adding new goals, giving all your time and effort to the task so that you get into a flow state, meaning the task is challenging but not so difficult that you cannot do it. Once you have mastered each stage, one after the other, your confidence grows.
4. Celebrate your achievements
I think this can be done in pairs. For example, rather than focusing on a 'to-do list', create an 'I have done it' list or board where you write down and reflect on all the projects and goals you have achieved. Reading or seeing this list every day builds confidence in your skills and abilities. My partner often tells me, when I feel down or feel I have not accomplished anything in the day, that "I overvalue what I do in one day and undervalue what I have done my whole life." This means I tend to forget all the things I have already achieved because of one unproductive day. That is why it is important to have an "I have done it" list — it serves as a reminder of everything you have accomplished, whether in the last few years, months, or weeks, and shows you are capable of achieving many incredible things. Sometimes, you just need a reminder.
A second example is to practise gratitude, which means appreciating the little things and learning to smile and say thank you when someone compliments you. Instead of brushing it off or trying to be humble, stand tall, say thank you, smile, and take it in when someone appreciates your efforts. Take it to heart, respond positively, and tell the person it means a lot to you and that you appreciate it. You learn to be more accepting of yourself, which leads to greater confidence; it means you are positive about yourself and what you can contribute. This kind of confidence-building can be used in any area of our lives.
So, if you want to build your confidence, get up, pick something that interests you, gather your ideas, start with small goals to make your aims more achievable, and then practise repeatedly. As you improve, try a bigger goal and work even harder until you achieve it. Write down your "I did it" list, and accept praise by being grateful and happy. Then, when you set a new goal, it will no longer feel like a challenge.
When we decide to start something, we all feel vulnerable because everything is new and we have no idea how things will go. However, with time and experience, building your skills, confidence will come more easily.
Building confidence is not a destination; it is a daily practice. Some days will be more challenging than others, and that is perfectly fine. What matters is that you continue to show up for yourself, one small step at a time. You are more capable than you realise, and the world needs exactly what only you can offer.
If this resonated with you, I would love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below and share one thing on your "I did it" list right now. Let us celebrate each other. There is so much more I want to share with you, so please return soon. God bless you — keep going and stay strong. 💙
Yours truly,
Viviane